Literary Magazine

Ursa Major will be called Terra Incognita this year. So excited. I think there are some real possibilities for this theme.

Falling Snow

Quiet solitude
Inner whispers of the cold
Blocking out the day

To Alan

Faded Memories

To my Brother Alan

I think that the holidays are the times that we miss him most

The auburn hair all out of control
The way he would saunter in a room and own it
The way he seemed to know where he was going

I always get a feeling of anger when I think of all those times that we missed because you aren't here anymore.

I want a brother
I want a sister in law
I want nieces and nephews that could have existed but lost out on life's lottery

Christmases would have been  so noisy so full of fun if you were here. Our family seems so small because of all those people who never quite made it into our lives.

I see other family pictures at Christmas, and wish we could have all that chaos and crowded space.

Ours seems quiet in comparison.

My mother never has been the same. In her subconscious mind, I think she has been trying to blame someone for years.
I am usually the brunt of her anger as though she is angry that I am alive while he isn't.

I know that isn't true, but sometimes, my irrational mind feels that way.

Therapy should have been in our minds to help us all, but it is too late for that now.

You were 24. You would have been 52 now.. That's a long time. Most of the time, I'm okay.

But during the holidays, I have more time to reflect, and remember. Merry Christmas, Alan.